Feeling jealous in your relationship?

I used to be someone who was very jealous in my relationships.

I’d look to see if my partner was checking out a hot chic, and if they were, I’d either get in a mood all day

Or start a fight.

Or try and seek revenge and make them jealous.

Even if they commented on someone attractive on TV I’d get into my head about it and often withdraw.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely still get jealous, but now I’m less ashamed of it. Plus, I’ve learned to handle it in a much healthier way and communicate openly about it, helping build intimacy and connection with my partner.

Instead of resorting to controlling and manipulative behaviour which does the exact opposite!!

The goal isn’t to get rid of jealousy.

It’s about learning how to be with it and understand it when it comes up.

And see it as the sign post that it is.

Jealousy is normal.

Not only does it have its roots in childhood experiences; being replaced by a sibling, not being picked at school, abandonment etc, but there is a whole legacy there for women where being chosen by a man was essential to survival.

Not to mention society feeding into these narratives of not-enoughness – needing to look and present a certain way in order to be accepted.

So this belief starts to develop: If I am accepted by other people, then I am safe.

I want to put to you the idea that jealousy is, in fact, a gift.

Like all emotions, jealousy is communicating with us.

It’s getting us to look at the stories we are telling ourselves that are keeping us stuck and preventing us from feeling free.  

AND

It may also be highlighting an issue within our relationship – your partner may not be acting in a way that adheres to the values and agreements you’ve both set for your relationship. Maybe your feelings are being dismissed or belittled.

So a calling in of your partner may be necessary.

So when a feeling of jealousy arises in you – first of all know it’s normal, and there is some beautiful work to be done.

Ask yourself: Is this flagging up an issue that needs to be addressed in the relationship or is pointing to low self worth or an abandonment issue or limiting belief?

And remember ladies, it’s ok to say to your partner “babe, I’m feeling jealous”

Healing within relationship needs your radical authenticity and vulnerability, so we can understand each other’s hearts more deeply.