Why I Don’t “Let Go Of What’s Not Serving Me” Anymore

When I go to circles or ceremonies, and the facilitator asks us to throw what isn’t serving us into the fire or focus on what we want to let go of or release, I draw a blank.

This whole idea of releasing and letting go of stuff that isn’t serving me doesn’t really resonate with me anymore.

And it’s because the very nature of “throwing what we don’t want into the fire” seems to me like a self-rejection.

Ok, so say I want to let go of inadequacy, insecurity, caring what people think etc. I don’t think it’s actually possible to “let go” of that stuff until we first do the opposite..

..which is to embrace it, accept it, and have compassion for it.

The inadequacy isn’t who we are; it’s just a part of us.

And that part of us doesn’t need to get thrown into the fire and discarded as something that doesn’t serve us.

It needs to be heard, listened to and understood.

A lot of the time, the narrative that accompanies the “letting go of what is not serving me” is “I don’t like you, so I’m going to get rid of you.”

I believe the healing path is not about getting rid of anything; it’s about changing our relationship with it and letting it be.

I’m not sure if it’s even possible to “let go” of the part of us that feels insecure. But it is possible to change our relationship with it. And to acknowledge that’s not who we are.

We can start really getting to know the part of us that believes it is separate, that believes it is unworthy, and that believes it is not loved.

I mean, what would we say to a kid that believed it wasn’t worthy? We wouldn’t banish them into the darkness. We would soothe them and tell them how incredibly loved they are.

So that’s what we need to do with “the things we want to release and let go of”

Soothe.

We need to soothe.

And the byproduct of this self soothing is that the feelings of insecurity or inadequacy begin to release and lose their grip.

But not because we’ve intentionally said it out loud or done a ritual around a fire, but because we’ve developed a loving relationship with the part of us that at its core is ASKING for our love.

What do you think?

Comment below.